From the Left- The Daily Commercial: ‘Little Book of Basics Translator Dictionary’

John Heimburg Guest Columnist

As a public service, to try to clear up some of the confusion in our political discourse, I offer you:

The Little Book of Basics Translator Dictionary

Language Identification Codes:

Maga = MAGA-Alternative language          SAE = Standard American English

Black Lives Matter (BLM)/Antifa – 1. Maga A Marxist conspiracy to destroy America and its huge, highly armed military branch. 2. SAE People bringing awareness to the disproportionate murder with impunity of Black folks, primarily men, and a number of loosely affiliated groups who sometimes defend nonviolent protesters from vicious attacks by extremists.

Cancel Culture/Karen – 1. Maga Innocent white folk/women who are distraught because they are facing consequences like losing their reputation or job just because they’ve done something despicable to dominate their social “inferiors.” 2. SAE Whiny white folk/women who have no concern that Black people have been “canceled” over the past few centuries by being lynched, burned alive or shot for the offense of demanding respect as human beings.

Critical Race Theory (CRT) – 1. Maga Literally every horrible, insane thing you can think of to claim the liberals are doing to destroy our country, like fomenting hate, racism, child abuse — you name it. 2. SAE A high-level law school course investigating how the legal framework of the U.S. has evolved, beginning in an epoch of legal enslavement of Black humans up to the present day.

Democracy – 1. Maga Mob rule. 2. SAE A system of self-governance in which citizens are in charge of running their own government.

Dictatorship – 1. Maga When you are required to wear a mask or get vaccinated. 2. SAE When the guy in charge has absolute, unquestionable discretion over whether you live or die. Torture and imprisonment are also standard powers.

Election Security (Stolen Election) – 1. Maga How to explain a more than 7 million vote margin if you’re a poor loser; a devious, slimy way to limit voting by Black and brown folk; how to put people with high loyalty and low ethical standards in charge of counting the votes next time. 2. SAE Assuring that every citizen has equitable access to voting and that their vote will be counted by people of integrity.

Freedom – 1. Maga Getting things my way, even if it means using violence and intimidation. 2. SAE A right we earn by not hurting other people.

Heritage – 1. Maga A nostalgic remembrance of how great things used to be when white people were in overwhelming control of how everything worked. 2. SAE Real memories of how things weren’t so great for some people, and how they still aren’t in many cases.

Jan. 6 Insurrection – 1. Maga A normal day of patriot tourists peacefully exercising legitimate political discourse. 2. SAE A violent attempted coup to overturn the legitimate election of the president and re-install the loser, resulting in the sacking of the nation’s Capitol, injury to more than 100 police officers, and the deaths of five people.

Law & Order – 1. Maga A show of force to keep protesters “in line.” 2. SAE A trope used by political candidates because it sells, and it’s easier than explaining or fixing the real problems.

Medical Freedom – 1. Maga Not being asked about my vaccination status, even if it means infecting others. 2. SAE The freedom (aspirational) to receive high-quality medical care that does not bankrupt me.

Patriot – 1. Maga A person who is loyal to Dear Leader. 2. SAE One who defends and upholds our values of freedom in equality.

Q-anon – 1. Maga A font of wisdom and truth from a great and secret patriot. 2. SAE An insane batch of conspiracies cooked up to destabilize/destroy functional democratic process.

Republic – 1. Maga A sort of government that doesn’t need to be democratic, and where a “strong leader” can guarantee our freedom (see Freedom). 2. SAE A form of government, when democratic, where the will of the people is carried out by elected representatives.

Woke – 1. Maga Using CRT to teach our kids to hate our country and each other. 2. SAE An awareness of a political system in which some folks’ lives are valued way more than others.


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